Never At Ease
Perhaps it would be better as a mindless automaton,
Than to actually grasp what is going on.
Maybe it is best for further my heart to sink,
Than to have to analyze and deeply think.
The more I break down in this lifetime,
The more I feel that what I have done is a crime.
Each day my past becomes even more real,
And this burning is all that I can feel.
I have found that I am utterly useless,
And existence is nothing more than pointless.
Each moment, I reflect upon mistakes I have made,
And through my misery, I incessantly wade.
My mind spins around, deconstructing too much,
And I will do anything to resist human touch.
I look forward to my very last breath,
That time when I can finally eternally rest.
The Metaphor that Wished He Was a Simile
Just as I have selected a blank page
I discover a big black ink blot between the lines
We’re only separated by a table and two coffee mugs
And we’re oceans apart
The photos record each look, every hidden glance
Between my audio and your visual, there is a reality we will both manage to miss
You’re sitting back, delicately observing
As if I’m perfectly pirouetting on Pointe
I’m actually an elephant in high heels
Attempting to sit on a tiny red footstool
My tutu is sagging and you keep complimenting my sense of style
I could just say, “you’re everything”
But I must protect my heart
You’re taking these moments too lightly or maybe a little too deep
We’re speaking so smoothly
Flawlessly articulating a performance that can never actually sustain
My heart is a pile of glass shards
Yours might be, too
All we need is to find the one with the matching jagged edges
To make ourselves whole once more
I opened one more wound
Just to prove I’m willing to love again
The tornados are churning and all you suggest is we close the blinds
We’re reaching for each other and you’re threatening to just walk away
The last thing I want to do waste your time
The anticipation built as I combed my hair
Chatted nervously about you with my best friend
Carefully selected the outfit that would never reveal that I carefully selected it
And I waited
You never came
Behind your smiling and my razor-sharp wit
There are magnets locking, and you keep forcing them apart
I deleted your words just in time for you to invade my dreams once more
I want nothing more than for you to earn your second chance
Of course, I never stick with a metaphor long enough to warrant a response
Worth It
We humans make things so damn complicated.
Why do we pursue degrees and fill our lives
with relationships and work or anything at all?
What is the point?
Who cares what happens in this life anyhow?
You leave just the way you started:
naked, helpless, with nothing to offer.
What is there to motivate us but the King Himself?
How are we to compare to Him?
Why has God put us here?
Why should we care?
We bear our to-do lists, accomplish what we can,
make a little money, and then go broke.
Why even try?
Maybe we should all just praise God then die.
Why not?
I have found Christ who is worth dying for.
I have always said that I wanted to be someone’s wife,
raise his children,
and grow old in his arms.
But why?
Honestly, what good would come of that?
Perhaps the secret is finding someone worth living for.
I guess I’ll be as patient as I can and wait to see who’s worth it.
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